Well-being Q&A

So this is the first time I’ve blogged in over two years and it’s only recently that I’ve wanted to get back into writing, and after several attempts at trying to pick something to write about I came to the conclusion that I was suffering from writer’s block. This post is a sort of collaboration idea which me and my sister came up with, as she too wanted to get back into writing but wasn’t sure where to start. We decided it might be a good idea to reflect on our well-being in the last few months, so we came up with the following questions and below are my answers to them.

What morning routine activities help you to start the day with the healthiest mindset?

A pretty key thing for me is avoiding scrolling on my phone for ages when I first wake up. Just checking to see if I have any messages from family and friends is fine, but staying in bed and scrolling through social media doesn’t seem to start my day off with a clear mindset. I enjoy starting my day reading with a good cup of coffee, followed by breakfast. I’d say doing that helps me start my day with a clear, positive and healthy mindset.

How have you been coping with being at home more?

It’s had it’s ups and downs, I felt quite at peace with the idea to begin with, finding ways to occupy myself with online courses, reading and exercise. However, these activities began to lose their appeal after doing them every day for a prolonged period, and I’ve found myself several times getting bored and fed up with not having much to occupy myself with. Since being allowed to go outside for exercise more than once a day as well as visit family and friends, it has been a lot better.

When you are feeling down, anxious or stressed what activities help you to relax? 

Talking it out with others really helps, going for a walk, reading, and taking a bath (not that I currently have one in my flat) are all activities that help me to relax. Even just simple things like being in a room with a lit candle can really help chill me out.

Which books, films and TV shows do you think deal with mental health well? 

In terms of books, Matt Haig’s Notes on a Nervous Planet is really good as it explores different features of modern life that can have a detrimental effect on our mental health, often things we wouldn’t usually think of like visiting a shopping centre. Another book is John Green’s Turtles All the Way Down, which was the first piece of fiction I’ve read that deals so closely with a character who has a mental health issue. It tells the story of a teenage girl with severe health anxiety in a very eye-opening light. I can’t think of any particular films, although that is something I’m going to watch out for now. For TV shows, the one example I can currently think of is the character Jackson in Sex Education, he is shown as being put under a lot of pressure from his mum to succeed in swimming, and it turns out that Jackson suffers from panic attacks and also self harms at one point just so he can get a break from the pressure he is receiving from his mum. 

What is the best book you’ve read recently?

It has got to be Antonia Fraser’s biography of Mary Queen of Scots. It’s a big read as it covers most of her life, but I found it fascinating that although it was a historical biography, a lot of the time I felt like I was reading a thriller. It’s certainly my favourite historical biography I’ve read so far, it’s very well written and clearly well researched, emotionally captivating and a gripping read. 

Has there been a TV show which you have enjoyed the most recently?

I’m a bit late to the bandwagon on this but it has got to be Netflix’s Sex Education. I was sceptical at first, I admit, but I think it’s a very pioneering TV show in the way that it so openly deals with taboo subjects surrounding sex, gender and identity, in a way that is informative and eye-opening, but also light-hearted. I also found it had very well written characters that I slowly found myself becoming more invested in (especially Eric) as it progressed into the second series. The mise-en-scène of the show is also very aesthetically pleasing but also interesting as well, with the use of retro cars, technology, interior design and fashion being intertwined with elements of the modern-day. It’s like the show itself has a nostalgic longing for the past.

Is there any music you listen to that helps you stay grounded or lifts your mood?

I find calming instrumental music nice to listen to when I’m perhaps trying to de-stress, but also to aid my concentration when I’m reading and writing. A recent thing that I’ve liked doing to really set the mood of what I’m reading is trying to match music to it, for example listening to medieval-themed music when reading a novel set in that specific time period.

During lockdown, did you have more negative thoughts and how did you combat them? Was there anything that surprised you about yourself during the situation? 

I’ve certainly experienced periods of worry and overthinking about various things. One example is that I wasn’t sure how I was going to cope with not having work to go to because of lockdown, as I like being productive and sometimes find it difficult being indoors all day. I get sick building syndrome, which is hard to explain to people who don’t experience it but it’s certainly something I occasionally suffer from. I’ve surprisingly coped a lot better than I thought I would have, by finding activities to do and making sure that on most days I go outdoors to exercise and get some fresh air. 

What are some fundamental tips, quotes and advice to live by which you would encourage others to follow? 

• Be patient, positive and persistent.
• Talking things through with others is really helpful.
• A lot of things aren’t as bad as you think they are.
• Be kind to the environment, make smarter choices.
• Your body is a home you’ll live in forever, take care of it.
• Nothing in nature blooms all year round, so don’t expect yourself to either.

What evening routine activities help you to unwind at the end of the day?

I like to watch a couple of TV shows or a film on an evening, accompanied by a snack or something like a hot chocolate. I find having fairy lights and lighting a tealight or two very relaxing also. Just before I go to sleep it is good practice for me to not go on my phone and instead read a few pages of whatever book I’m reading at the time. This always seems to get me into a ‘sleepy’ state and clears my mind before I go to sleep. 

Thank you for reading!

If you can think of any films, TV shows and books that you think deal with mental health well, feel free to leave a comment below as i’d love to hear about them!

Be sure to check out my sister’s answers to these questions over on her blog: https://thespirallingmind17.wordpress.com/2020/09/06/the-well-being-q-a/

Mental Health Awareness in the Digital Age

Something I would like to emphasize is that social media can be used for good. Despite it being a vice for many to spread hate, propaganda and quite rightly utter bull, a plethora of goodness is also out there.

Matt Haig; successful author of books including Reasons to Stay Alive, How to Stop Time, and several children’s books is someone who openly discusses his experience with depression and the wider scope of mental health on social media.

Here are some recent examples of his tweets that I  would like to share;

On developing a stronger understanding: “Mental health is not a niche subject for a few depressed people. Mental health is everyone. Mental health is what we all have. It is our minds. And understanding what impacts our mental health would lead to happier lives and societies. There is nothing more important.”– 24/05/18

On taking care of your mental health in the digital age:

“Got called ‘fragile’ for deleting a tweet. Yeah, I am. Men can be. People can be. It’s okay to use social media the way you need to use it. Delete tweets, press mute, unfollow, edit, block, step away, leave, whatever you have to do for your mental health.” – 27/05/18

On the severity of stress:

“A third of people have felt suicidal in the last year due to stress. It’s time we took stress as seriously as diet and exercise.” -14/05/18

To read more on this go to https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/may/14/three-in-four-britons-felt-overwhelmed-by-stress-survey-reveals?CMP=share_btn_tw 

On mental health as a valid excuse: “The common idea people ‘use’ their mental health as an excuse for things is a bad one. There are far more times you see someone acting ‘normal’ and silently struggling to do so than you hear the inner context for a behaviour. Listen without prejudice, as George Michael said.” – 28/05/18

On it getting better: “Last time I was in the Balearics I nearly threw myself off a cliff. This time I go running along them. This time is better.”  – 28/05/18

On living with anxiety: “Anxiety isn’t weakness. Living with anxiety, turning up and doing stuff with anxiety, takes a strength most will never know. A trip to the supermarket can mean you defeat more monsters than in The Odyssey. It’s not WHAT you do. It’s what you OVERCOME to do it.” – 26/05/18

It is people like Matt Haig that I think we should be thankful for in what can at times feel like a neverending cacophony of pings, updates and notifications. It can be easy to lose focus and direction amongst the sheer amount of digital traffic. How do we ensure we only see content that we can identify with, seek enjoyment out of and find comfort in? And furthermore, content that can help contribute to a better-informed society about issues such as mental health? We need to be mindful of what we allow ourselves to see on social media. Which I digress, unwanted posts at times are often unavoidable, but when action can be taken to filter out toxicity and filter in positivity; action should be taken.

For more from Matt Haig, check out the following links;

‘ Happy’ – Fearne Cotton’s podcast episode featuring Matt Haig (available on Spotify)

Follow Matt Haig on Twitter

‘Books Save Lives with Matt Haig’ – Waterstones Article

‘Notes on a Nervous Planet’ – Haig’s new book on mental health in the digital age (available for pre-order)

I also can’t recommend enough his books; Reasons to Stay Alive and How to Stop Time

Thank you for reading!

Is it my phone and me, or me and my phone?

 

We swim around in this fish bowl like we’re in control and we’re not. The simple fact that we think we’re autonomous is just a further example of how we’re all under a false consciousness. These items, these commodities that we hold so much value in have welded far too much power. You’d think the things we own wouldn’t be able to hold such an immense amount of control over us, that it should be us who obtain the control not the other way around. But sadly, this isn’t necessarily the case. For centuries, chosen or not, select groups have ruled over the rest of the given population, it’s a tale told repeatedly throughout history. We’re used to power structures in some way or another. But now technology has added another dimension to this structure. These are man-made objects, created by individuals much like you reading this. They started with us, and now the evolution of technology has become so advanced, we’ve lost control, we can no longer understand the ever growing, polysemic nature of these devices, the constant overflow of information is overbearing. And it is unfathomable how much more advanced it will become in the future.

Smartphones have become so intertwined into our daily lives, it seems some of us would rather lose an arm than lose our phone. We’ve also equated saying our phone has ran out of battery to our phones “dying”. We’ve essentially anthropomorphised them as a device, attributing human like qualities to them. It can be questioned as to whether this simultaneously induces an empathetic connection with our devices. Do some of us value them as highly as we do human beings? Whether this is true or not, perhaps the attributing of human like qualities to our phones exemplifies the level of prominence we’ve allowed these devices to have in our lives.

Have we established a connection with these devices as deep as real-life relationships we have with other people? Think about it though, with the colossal amount of time we give to them, it can be as much as the time we spend with the people we love the most. More than often it’s the first thing we check when we wake up and often the last thing we look at before we fall asleep. We look at them when someone’s talking to us, (and I high five the people in this world who don’t do that and go out of their way to ensure they are giving the other person their full attention). It can be like talking to a brick wall, or someone who’s there in physical form but not in spirit. If we’re not careful face to face genuine conversation will become obsolete. There’s going to come a day when no one talks to each other, and oral methods of communication which have been utilized since the dawn of man will no longer be the primary human communication, but the second or perhaps even the third. Because why use verbal communication when we could just interact solely through our phones? So many aspects of our lives have been incorporated into these devices for supposable ease, so why stop there and not just incorporate our whole lives into them? The physical world will just become meaningless and anytime spent not looking at screens but at the world around us will become burdening to our overpowering need to do everything through our smartphones. This isn’t some science fiction novel we’re talking about, but if we’re not careful, the foreseeable future. I know, sounds scary, doesn’t it?

Advancing on the potential death of verbal communication. I want to touch on the strain of interaction that I think the instantaneous nature of smartphones has created. The instant nature of messaging is tiring. Constant communication is draining. The cacophony of notifications can be overwhelming. I personally don’t want to be constantly on my phone, expected to be readily available to answer a message within a matter of minutes. There’s also not necessarily a need to apologise for replying ‘late’ to a message, why are we saying sorry for doing something else with our time, besides being on our phones? It’s more than likely not going to be urgent, so just reply in your own time. You don’t need to feel obligated to answer every voice coming from your device immediately, slow down a little, do things in your own time.

Yes, the way technology has developed has allowed messaging to be instantaneous and highly accessible, but I think as a repercussion we are taking advantage of these mediums and in turn feel like we have to overly communicate. Whatever happened to genuine face to face conversation? If we are constantly messaging each other everything we know, with every update and minor detail, what is going to be left for when we see each other face to face? There’s going to be nothing left to talk about, it’s just going to be this repeated pattern of white noise that we’ve already heard, (or should I say read on a screen). I think we now more than ever before live in a society where we feel like because the opportunity is there to keep in constant contact with each other, we’re too anxious to pass it up. We put unnecessary strain on ourselves to seek constant gratification, which can be fulfilled instantly through receiving likes on a selfie or whatever other monotonous content we create and upload.

So, how are we going to work our way around this? Smartphones aren’t just going to disappear overnight. And I’m not saying we should stop using them, I use mine myself on a regular basis as a way of communication and a quickly accessible source of information. But the main point I’m trying to emphasise is that more effort should be placed on reaching a compromise regarding the amount of time and influence we allow smartphones to have on our lives. Smartphones shouldn’t be the driving force of our lives, they should be acknowledged for what they are, but kept secondary to the things that really matter.

Tips for what I like to do when my phone becomes overwhelming (or I just simply need some time to think)

Take the time to breathe and engage in the environment around you. Try some meditation, sort through some of your old clothes, go for a walk in your local surroundings. Try and go a day without using your phone. Challenge yourself to see how long you can go without using it, experience the world solely through your own eyes, with no screens and no unnecessary interruptions. Check out http://thequietplaceproject.com/thequietplace for some guided mindfulness. Listen to some music that makes you feel calm (I listen to folk music for this reason). Or perhaps read a book and submerse yourself in another universe. I promise that these tips can really help to lighten the often-unspoken weight that technology can have on our minds and even gain you some valuable perspective.

*Here are two quotes from Matt Haig’s masterpiece ‘Reasons To Stay Alive’ (a personal favourite of mine, which I highly recommend ) to end on;

“Do not go on social media aimlessly. Always be aware of what you are doing… unchecked distractions will lead you to distraction.”

“Happiness isn’t about abandoning the world of stuff, but in appreciating it for what it is. We cannot save ourselves from suffering by buying an iPhone. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t buy one, it just means we should know such things are not ends in themselves.”

 

Thank you for reading! I am more than happy to chat to you in the comment section below. What are your thoughts on the topic of phones and social media?